Sojourn Campus Church

ReDeemed225 March 2nd, 2008

February 28-March 1, 2008

1. God’s Love- Ephesians 3:14-19

Becoming rooted and grounded in the love of God has been imperative in my journey into sexual wholeness. All of humanity is broken in its capacity to give and receive love, and this is especially true for those who struggle with sexual and relational brokenness. In fact, for most people struggling with sexual and relational brokenness, the driving force behind their brokenness is not their rebellion but rather their efforts to meet their need for love in illegitimate ways. Therefore, in order for one to arise out of broken sexuality, love must be set aright.

The degree to which we receive God’s healing in the core of our hearts is largely determined by how secure we are in His love. To explain, in allowing God into our broken sexuality, we give Him permission to expose and uproot the darkness of our hearts, those areas that still need to be dealt with and reconciled to Christ. This can be a long, painful, and overwhelming process. Fortunately, as we allow God to pour His love into our hearts, as we come to know God’s love for us even in the midst of our weakness and struggles (Songs 1:5), we gain confidence that the work He is doing in us, no matter how painful it may be, is good and done out of His perfect love –we are not shaken as we come face to face with our brokenness. This confidence fuels our perseverance to continue on in the refining process. God wants to take the yokes and burdens that we trudge and stumble around with, but we will not yield them to Him unless we truly trust in His love.

Easier said than done, right, being rooted and grounded in God’s love? While God enables us to receive His love in a myriad of ways, I have found that the greatest healing in my ability and capacity to receive God’s love has come in the place of learning to discern His voice. I grew up in the church, so I have heard more sermons and teachings and conversations about God’s love than I can count. I also know that it is one thing to hear and learn about something, and it is another thing to believe it beyond a shadow of a doubt in the very core of ours heart. When we hear directly from God, whether it be through words, pictures, impressions, or whatever other means, His word bypasses our intellect and goes straight to our heart. Learning to hear and discern the voice of God is a process, but we must start somewhere. This process begins in the place of taking time out of our day, laying our agenda aside, and waiting before the Lord. I find it helpful to bring whatever scripture passage I am studying before God and asking Him what it is He wants to speak to me that very day. God is quick to restore the brokenhearted, to whom He wants to speak words of grace, healing, restoration, and yes, at times correction, all of which come out of His abundant love for His children. As we receive these words, we receive from the outpouring of His love.

2. Worshiping God- Psalm 27

Those who struggle with sexual and relational brokenness are usually very self-focused. As one commences on the journey toward whole sexuality, it can seem natural and logical to focus even more on oneself as one searches for and scrutinizes those areas of one’s heart that need the healing and redemptive touch of the Healer. However, we must recognize the truth that it is the Holy Spirit, the one who discerns the hearts and minds of men, that does the searching. All that is required of us is a willing and receptive heart. In addition, we were created to and commanded to worship God. As we lift our gaze from ourselves to the Almighty God, things fall into perspective. Indeed, our struggles no longer seem as large and insurmountable as we begin to behold the reality of God’s majesty, glory, and power. The lure of this world begins to pale in comparison to the captivating beauty and splendor of God. As David said in one of His psalms, “One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Thmy head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord” (Ps. 27:4-6).

3. Renewing of the Mind- Romans 12:2, Colossians 3:1-4

For those who have lived in a fantasy world through means such as the creative faculty of the mind or pornographic images, as well as those who have acted upon those fantasies, the mind can be a dark place and a stronghold that perpetuates the bondage of sexual sin. Romans 12:2 tells us to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” But how does one go about the process of the renewing of the mind? The spiritual disciplines are of vital importance here. As we fill our minds with the light of the truth of God’s Word, it begins to push out the darkness. In my own struggle, scripture memorization has yielded numerous benefits: (1) it has provided a means of soaking my mind in the Word of God at all moments of the day, especially at those times when I do not have a Bible at my fingertips; (2) it has been a weapon of defense against the temptation and the lies that have attempted to discourage me or draw me astray from my pursuit of a life of purity and holiness; (3) it has enriched my prayer life, providing more language to my prayers as well as the freedom to spontaneously pray the Word. Moreover, when sexual images do come to mind, we can invite Jesus into those images, and we can also nail them to the cross. God does not exist within the confines of time –He makes the cross available to us even now.

4. Identity in Christ- Ephesians 4:22-24

In my own struggle with homosexuality, I found myself floating in the chasm between the world’s labels of “gay” and “straight”. When we deny one identity, it is often tempting to acquire a new label such as “ex-gay”, yet we must not find our identity in our past or present struggles –we must find our identity in who we are in Christ, who He has created us to be, and who He is forming us into. Because we have been washed by the blood of Jesus, we can boldly stand before God’s throne as ones who have been redeemed (Heb. 4:16). We are no longer addicts, victims, or whatever false identity we have held onto, regardless of whether the identity is one we have taken on or others have placed upon us. Any identity we have acquired in relation to our brokenness must be put to death. God sees us as redeemed, as spotless and pure, and we must see ourselves through the same lens.

When God created us, who He created us to be was good. After all, we bear His very image (Gen. 1:26). In our fallen world, sin has marred that image, but gratefully God, the Master Craftsman, wants to scrape and chip away at the filth that may still cover us and reveal our true identity. Paul wrote about identity in his letter to the church in Ephesus, a church which was no doubt filled with men and women who had formerly indulged in prostitution, homosexuality, and every other type of sexual immorality. Yet Paul told them to strip themselves of their former identities and to put on a new identity, an identity created in “true righteousness and holiness,” given to them as adopted sons and daughters of the heavenly Father. As new creations, we must make a continual and concerted effort to live out of this new identity, continually refusing to put back on our former identity.

5. Healthy Community

It seems to be our natural tendency to retreat into isolation when we feel ashamed –Adam and Eve were the first of mankind to demonstrate this when they hid from God in Genesis 3 –and certainly sexual brokenness can be a great source of shame. However, community, not isolation, is what helps bring about healing. Note that I am referring to community specifically in the sense of Christian fellowship.

I can personally testify to the importance of community. For the first five years of my struggle with sexual sin, I hid in secrecy and isolation. The power shame held over me was accompanied by a paralyzing fear of exposure. I prayed daily that God would heal me, but despite my fervent efforts, I gained no ground toward freedom. In fact, my struggle only intensified. I had two choices: bring my struggle into the light of community or be completely consumed by my unwanted homosexual desires. The possible consequences of bringing my struggle out into the light were frightening, but they paled in comparison to my only other option. Logic won out on this one, plus, I genuinely did desire to live a life pleasing to God. The choice of bringing my struggle into community was one of the best choices I have ever made. I began to experience much freedom and healing in terms of my struggle, which also freed me to grow into a greater maturity as a Christian.

Interacting in community can help bring about the healing of the Father in several ways. For one, it helps break the power of shame. As we bring our struggles into community, we realize that we are not alone, perhaps contradicting what we may have always believed. 1 Cor. 10:13, which says that “no temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man,” truly becomes a reality. As people do exemplify Christ’s love to us by loving us where we are at, we no longer have to hide in isolation. Of course there is the possibility that we will be rejected –indeed, other Christians are broken as well and may respond out of their brokenness –but I have found that more often than not, my brothers and sisters in Christ have responded with Christ’s love, blessing me with support, prayer, and encouragement.

Community also provides an environment in which we can learn how to love, and how to receive love, aright. As we interact with others, our broken ability to love is brought to the forefront. Our fears of loving and being loved are exposed; our insecurities are exposed; our failed attempts to love others solely out of our own strength and will are exposed. Fortunately, as all of this is brought out into the light, we have the opportunity to submit these areas to Christ and to ask Him to set love in order, to fill us with a greater measure of His love for others.

Perhaps one commonly misunderstood, and surely under-utilized, aspect of community is accountability. James 5:16 (NIV) says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Not only is the silencing power of shame broken as we confess our sins to trusted same-sex others, but we also invite them to come alongside of us in our particular struggle and lift us up in prayer. Notice that the verse does not merely say, “Confess your sins and be healed.” While confession may help break the power we allow sin to have over us, it is in the place of prayer that the Holy Spirit reveals the underlying roots that continue to fuel our struggle against sin.

Unfortunately most Christians’ picture of accountability stops here. The Word tells us that “as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17). It also tells us that we are to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:17). And we are told to “consider one another in order to stir up love and good works…exhorting one another (Heb. 10:24-25). Accountability should involve so much more than merely confessing every time we stumble to sin and getting prayer. This is a crucial element of accountability, but true accountability should be a lifestyle of joining with others in the process of sanctification, bearing with them in their place of pain, yet rejoicing with them in their victories, and encouraging them to keep fighting the good fight until the day of Christ’s return.

6. Safeguards- Proverbs 4:23-27

We live in a fallen and broken world. It seems that those who desire to live a life of holiness, a life that is pleasing to God are running against the current. No matter what degree or type of brokenness we have experienced, we need safeguards to protect us from the slime of this world. What are the world and the enemy trying to force into your mind and your heart? What are you personally allowing into your mind? Renewing of the mind is not a one time deal. Our minds and hearts are daily assaulted on countless levels, and so we must also daily renew our minds.

What safeguards do you need for your particular struggle? As I struggled to break free from sexual addiction, the Lord revealed that extreme measures are necessary in breaking, fighting, or preventing an extreme addiction. You know what causes you to stumble, and if you sincerely desire to live a life of holiness, the Holy Spirit will be faithful to reveal more catalysts through which the darkness of this world tries to invade your heart and mind. Be aware that your vulnerabilities and struggles may look different than another person’s vulnerabilities and struggles. Consequently, so will your safeguards look different than another person’s safeguards. If you struggle with pornography, perhaps you need to quit using the internet altogether, or perhaps you need to only use the internet at work or at the local library. Or perhaps your particular vulnerabilities and struggle would warrant that you find a group of friends who do not socialize in the environments or participate in the activities that cause you to stumble, such as bars or nightclubs. My mentor Nate Oyloe sums it all up best when he paraphrases Matthew 5:29, saying, “I would rather cross the finish line of this life maimed and bloody than to be cast into the pit of hell.”

Obviously there is no formula to healing; there is no magic potion or spell. And surely there are more items that could be added to the agents of change that I have listed. However, I have listed several key elements that I have found to be helpful in my own journey into whole sexuality, as well as for those I minister to, and it is my prayer that they will aid you in your own journey into whole sexuality.

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